Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
