end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
