ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
