I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
