He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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