I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
