Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
