i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
