Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
