it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
