I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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