nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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