I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
