Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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