John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Success! We fucked roommates!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
