You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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