You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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