just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
