Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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