Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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