I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
