Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
