I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
