Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
