I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
