I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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