Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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