This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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