Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
