it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
