I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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