too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
