Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
