So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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