Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
