Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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