i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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