"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm both gender and math confused
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