he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
