I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
