I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
