First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you made out with another girl for some wings
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
