Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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