also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
