I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
