a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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