soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
