once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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