shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In America we eat man semen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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