I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
