So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
